Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
