He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
