Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
