There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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