i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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