she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
