they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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