i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
