i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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