my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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