you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
