I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
