party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
