I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
