Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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