My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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