Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize