No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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