some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
