fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
