chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
