I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
