I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
