1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize