hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
