he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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