how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
