also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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