i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
