I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
