a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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