It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
