i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
