Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
