my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
