I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
