I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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