eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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