he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
