I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
