Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
