Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
