I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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