I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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