you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize