xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
