I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Randomize
