Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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