we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
