Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
