i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize