I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
