Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
