a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
