You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
