Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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