He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
