I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
