I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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