I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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