24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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