she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
