Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
