i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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