I feel great
I just peed on a car
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize