So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
