I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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