Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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