i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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