We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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