I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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