I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
