I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
