omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
