I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
