Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
NoShamevember. You game?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
