I think I won the penis lottery.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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