im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize