lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
