handjob tips. give me some.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
