i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
