I think I am morally bankrupt
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
