you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
