i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
