Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
