Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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