I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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