hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
