Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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