My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
