I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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