haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
