Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
