are you so shy because you have an std?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
