Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All the doctor said was why
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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