I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
