you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize