Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am naked and annoyed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
