your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
