you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
