I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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