Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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