Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
