You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Two words: nipple clamps
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