i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
