my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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