Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
only you would photoshop your dick
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
