Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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