weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize