I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
