did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
