Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Quick, to the slutcave!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
