no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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