How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize