did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
