you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
