Apparently you make a good broom.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
