I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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