you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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