why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
