He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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