we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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