girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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