I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize